Did I Ever Tell You
by LifeIsTooQuick
Summary: After a disastrous fight Mimi finally decides to tell Roger everything, her childhood, coming to New York, her HIV, everything. Maybe once he understands, he'll take her back. During Rent MMRD


I've been working on this for a long time and last night I sat at my computer and was like "I'm going to finish this" and I did. (Obviously.) This is probably one of the most depressing things I have ever written and almost got painful at times to write, but I had to because it'll come up a lot in my future stories.

My beta-reader couldn't get the file to open and we couldn't figure out how to fix the problem, so they're may be a few mistakes here. Sorry.

Also, after reading when reviewing could you let me know what this should be rated? I'm honestly not sure. I'm rating it "T" for now, but it might be border-lining on "M" there's some swearing and stuff, so I'm not really sure. Help would be appreciated. Thank you. :)

Enjoy. :)

* * *

Mimi swore softly as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She had a pretty big bruise forming under her left eye, and it _hurt_. A lot. 

Stupid men who went to the stupid club where she worked. And they weren't even the half of it. It was also her stupid boss. Kyle was such an ass. What was the point in having rules if when someone broke them the girls got in trouble for retaliating? It wasn't Mimi's fault that she fell, that guy grabbed her ankle. And then she went all postal on him and Kyle made her go home early.

Mimi vaguely wished Roger had been there, but ever since he nearly broke that guy's back (and succeeded in breaking the table) Kyle banned him and wouldn't let him back, so Mimi was always alone there.

Now she was sitting in her apartment, home an hour early and feeling miserable.

She stared at the packet of white powder she had bought that was now lying on the bathroom sink top. She couldn't… She promised Roger… And she had been doing pretty well lately.

Fuck it. She had had a _really_ bad day and it was only one time. Besides, how could Roger find out?

Mimi was clumsier than usual as she prepared the needle. She had one last thought of "maybe this is a bad idea" before ignoring the voice and stabbing the needle into her vein.

Mimi let the relief wash over her as she stumbled her way toward the niche that served as her bedroom. After getting tangled up in the beads that hung there (and laughing hysterically) she fell onto the bed and lay there in a drug-induced stupor, feeling happier than she had all day.

Mimi had lain there for nearly half an hour before she finally rolled over, staring at her bed-side table. She stared for a while before finally recognizing what she was staring at. It was a white piece of paper that still had the tape on it from when Mimi ripped it off her door to read.

She picked it up and re-read it, having forgotten what it had said… or where she was… or who had this handwriting… It wasn't hers…. Or Benny, her landlord's… It wasn't her mother's… Not that she ever wrote…

_Mimi,_

_I'll be by your work around 9:00 to pick you up. Can't wait, I have something I want to tell you. _

_See you then,_

_Roger_

Shit! Mimi had completely forgotten! She and Roger had a date tonight! Fuck! How could she be so stupid?

She jumped up and stumble-sprinted into the bathroom and looked at herself. She looked like Hell. Her hair was totally fucked up, sticking in different directions; her eyes were blood-shot and had deep circles around them; and there was that dark, purple bruise.

She splashed some water on herself, trying to sober herself up. Or at least _look_ sober-ish.

Then she started applying make-up. She had great experience in the past of covering up bruises, so she used the make-up to make the bruise virtually disappear. You wouldn't notice it unless you looked very carefully. Mimi hoped they wouldn't be running into Angel.

She grabbed an outfit (not entirely sure which one, but it was clean and it looked okay) and threw it on. Then she sat down at the kitchen table with her head in her hands trying to shake the high off.

It wasn't working and she began to think about Roger. How mad would he be? Probably very. And she knew she deserved it. He was really worried about her when she did this, that's why he wanted her to stop. He was so great. Way too good for her.

She considered canceling the date. He can't notice what he doesn't see. But she missed him and wanted to see him…

Suddenly she got a very great (and stupid) idea. She wanted to see Roger _now_. He wouldn't mind her being-she looked at the clock- 20 minutes early, would he?

So she threw her shoes on and ran up the stairs.

* * *

Roger was sitting on the couch, strumming his guitar, thinking. 

"Hey," Mark said, from the table he was sitting at, "Shouldn't you be getting ready? Your date's in 20 minutes."

"Yeah, you're right."

Roger got off the couch and walked into his room to decide what he should wear. This was so stupid; obsessing over what to wear. He was a guy. But he wanted this night to be special, he couldn't remember _ever_ being this nervous before.

No matter how many times he practiced he just couldn't get the words out right. Well, maybe (hopefully) they would tonight. Since he had made this decision and there was absolutely no turning back now. And this time he wasn't going to cover up with something lame like "you look nice" like he had all the other times.

There was a knock on the door, and Roger walked out to answer it. Mark was pouring over some complicated shit for work and Roger knew he didn't want to have to be interrupted, so he answered the door.

To his immense surprise, it was Mimi. Roger froze. What time was it? Was their clock wrong? Was he late? He thought Mimi would be mad at him, but instead she looked ecstatic and she threw herself into his arms.

Roger was so shocked he almost didn't catch her and she almost ended up tumbling onto the hard, loft floor. But Roger re-composed himself and caught her. He still hadn't fully recovered before she had him locked in a passionate kiss and was walking backwards with him over to the couch. Something wasn't right about her…

"Hey! I'm right over here!" Mark shouted, slightly annoyed. He had been really looking forward to Roger going out tonight so he could get his work done in peace and quiet. Why was there so much paper work for him to do? He was a fucking camera man for a tabloid news station!

Roger tried to break away from Mimi, but she wouldn't back off and was slipping her hands under his shirt. Finally, Roger managed to push her off of him and looked at her.

"What's up with you tonight?" he asked, confused by her sudden appearance and even more-so by her reaction.

"Nothing. Just happy to see you," she was smiling way too big to be normal.

Roger stared at her, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Why are you home early?"

"Kyle let me come home early."

That didn't seem right. Kyle _never_ let girls leave early unless he got something else better in return.

It was then, staring at Mimi in the light that Roger realized what was wrong with her.

"You're high," he said in a sigh of annoyance and slight anger.

"What?… No I'm not," she said. The laugh that broke out half-way through ruined any truth in her statement.

"Mimi, I can't believe you came over here high! What were you thinking?!" Roger jumped up off the couch and glared down at her. He didn't know what he was expecting; there was no way he would get a coherent response out of her right now, she was completely stoned out of her mind.

She just stared at him blankly. Roger had a huge temper problem and he knew he shouldn't let it get the better of him, but seeing her sitting there just _staring_ at him and doing nothing else set him off again.

"Well, if you're not going to say anything then just get out!"

And then he could see tears forming in her eyes. He turned away. He didn't want to look at her. He hated seeing her cry.

He could see Mark sitting at the table, staring at him like he was over-reacting. That set him off again and Roger stormed into his bedroom, slamming the door.

Roger sat in his bedroom, thinking. Maybe he had over-reacted. No. She_ promised_. She had promised seven months ago she would stop. And she still hadn't. He hated watching her slowly kill herself. And the worst part was she didn't even care. Roger wasn't sure if he could stay with her much longer if things continued this way…

But was kicking her out the right thing to do? No, of course not. That had been a bad idea, he knew he shouldn't have sent her out there. She could get hurt wondering the streets of New York alone… At night… High.

He had to find her. He jumped up and ran out his bedroom door. Mark wasn't there, he must've gone into his bedroom. Roger was half-way to the door when he noticed the small figure huddled up on the couch, fast asleep.

He breathed a small sigh of relief. So she hadn't left. Of course she hadn't. Mark was much more sensible than Roger. He wouldn't have let her leave. Roger would have to remember to thank him later.

Roger walked over to the couch and brushed the hair out of her eyes to look at her. She had tear tracks running down her face. Some of her mascara had run. He sighed and picked her up, carrying her into his room and laying her down on his bed.

They could talk tomorrow.

* * *

Mimi woke up not entirely sure where she was. What had she done yesterday? All she remembered was getting kicked out of work…and then coming home… and shooting up… and did she actually go to Roger's place? That would've been very stupid.

She looked around herself. Yes, she was in Roger's bedroom. Shit. Was he mad at her? Or had he even noticed? She _was_ in his bed after all. How could he spend a whole night with her and not notice?

She looked over at the clock. 10:38. It was dark outside, so it was obviously at night. So nothing must've happened. She must've just fallen asleep for a few hours.

She felt really stiff, though, like she had been sleeping for much longer than that. She walked out into the living room area and saw Roger and Mark sitting at the metal table, talking in low voices. They stopped and stared at her as she walked in.

"Good morning," Mark said and Mimi stared at him, "Or, rather, 'good night' since it's night. But you finally woke up so…"

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Like 25 hours. I've never seen someone sleep so long. Roger didn't even ever sleep that long. We were wondering whether to call the hospital or not, but you were breathing normally and everything."

Shit. She had been asleep for a whole day? Good thing it was Sunday, she hadn't missed any work. That would've been exactly the worst thing after last night.

Mimi looked over at Roger. He had a hard look on his face and hadn't said anything the since she walked in.

Mark exchanged a glance between the two before getting up and walking over to the door.

"Um… I said I'd go visit Angel and Collins tonight. So I'm going to go head over there." and then he was gone, leaving Mimi alone standing in the uncomfortable silence between herself and Roger.

"Are you going to say anything?" Mimi finally asked.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked coldly, glaring at her.

"I don't know… That you forgive me?" she knew the answer before she even asked, but she hadn't expected him to be so cold.

"Forgive you? Mimi, I'm sick of this! You keep promising that you'll stop, but you never do!" he stood up and walked over to her, livid.

""I'm sorry I just…" Mimi couldn't find the strength to actually string a full sentence together.

"You just… what?!"

"I had a really bad day at work, ok?!" she was practically sobbing now and could feel tears welling up in her eyes, "And I forgot about the date, and…"

"So you have one bad day and that's an excuse?"

"N-no…"

"And whether you forgot about a date we had or if we even had a date has nothing to do with this! What does that say? That you still shoot up as long as you aren't going to be seeing me later that day?!"

"No…"

"Then why? Why would you do this to yourself? To me?"

Mimi stood there feeling worse than she remembered feeling in a long time. They were silent before Roger finally spoke again.

"I can't do this anymore…"

Mimi looked up at him, with panic in her eyes.

"You… You can't do what?" she hoped he didn't mean what she thought he meant.

"This. Us. It's not working."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I'm sorry, Mimi, but I can't be with you if all you're going to do is lie."

He turned around and walked back over to the table, sitting down, not looking at her. Mimi started sobbing and collapsed onto the couch. She sat there trying to hold herself together as sobs racked her body.

Mimi couldn't believe this… Did he actually mean it? Were they really over? She couldn't bare to think that. She had to do something. She had to make him understand. She wanted to stop, she really did. But every time she tried… Something would happen.

Maybe he would understand if he knew. Mimi had never told him. It was too painful to even think about. She had never told anyone it all at once, not even Angel. Angel had just heard it in bits and pieces. And, of course, she had been there for some of it.

But where would she start? The beginning, she guessed.

"My brother Alejandro died when I was four years old," she said trying to hold the tears in. She rarely thought about him and hadn't thought of that day in years.

"What?" Roger asked, confused, finally looking over at her.

"Remember, all the times you asked me about my childhood and how I ended up in New York, and I never told you?"

"Yes," Roger had no idea why the hell she decided to be so open _now_.

"Well, I've decided it's time I actually told you everything now."

Roger couldn't believe her. Why was she doing this now? She was probably hoping to get his sympathy so he would re-think the break-up. As much as he wanted to, he knew he never could. Them being together would never work. It hurt, but he had to accept it and try to move on.

But his curiosity got the better of him and he decided to listen to her.

"So, anyway, I was born in Mexico. That's where I lived for about five years. I had an older brother, Alejandro. He was four years older than me and great. Everything a big brother should be. I hardly remember anything about that time, but I remember him. He was very protective and loved playing games with me. He always bragged about being my big brother and how he was going to be 'the best big brother ever'. my parents had been trying to have a second baby for a while when they had me, so he was very excited for my birth," she broke off with a slight smile remembering the happier times when her real family had been together and whole. And how she had ruined all that.

"When I was four we were playing a game in our yard. Alejandro was protecting me from this rattlesnake and it ended up biting him. He died."

Roger looked up, finally and stared at the back of Mimi's head, which was all he could see. He had always wondered where Mimi's fear of snakes had come from. She was so brave and loved animals, it seemed like such an odd fear for her to have. He also felt a small shock at hearing Mimi once had a brother; he didn't know Mimi had had any siblings.

"Mami decided we should leave after that. She didn't want to stay in that house, it reminded her too much of my brother. She always wanted to go to America and had a cousin who lived there, so we started making plans to leave. I know how most Americans feel about Mexicans crossing the border, but I'm sure they'd think differently if they had had to go through it themselves. My parents tried so hard to cross legally. But it was too hard. They didn't understand any of that legal stuff and they were always making us wait. After a year my father decided we should just go on our own." She stopped, trying to figure out how to explain this without crying.

"We had the misfortune of running into one of the border patrols who… Wasn't sympathetic…" She wasn't quite sure how else to word it. "He didn't believe we should be allowed in and when we tried to get past him, he killed my father." There, with no details it was much easier to say.

Roger was shocked by that. For more than one reason. He first of all couldn't believe that someone could kill her father in cold blood just for wanting a better life for his remaining family.

He was also slightly worried. Mimi was an illegal immigrant? What if someone found out? Would they send her back. Sure, they were over, but he still couldn't stand the thought of her begin taken so far away from him.

He finally decided he was being stupid, who cared about one illegal immigrant living in New York? And she had been here for a while, so he was sure she would be fine. He stopped thinking to listen to the rest of Mimi's story.

"My mother ran with me, somehow avoiding getting caught. I'm still not sure how we managed to make it all the way to New Jersey without getting caught, but she did. We stayed with her cousin for a year, but Mami was very worried. She was afraid someone would find out and send us back. The only way to make things legal would be if she got married to someone who was legally American. That was when my aunt introduced her to Jose." her voice got dark and she got silent again.

Roger could tell that things were about to get worse, and so he didn't press her to continues the story. No matter how curious he was, he wasn't sure he wanted to know the whole story.

"We had never even met him before, but if we wanted to insure our stay in America, Mami had to marry him. He had a son, Tony. He was two years older than me and when I first heard that my mother was getting married, I was excited. I was finally going to have something close to a father, and even something close to an older brother again. But Jose hated me. And Tony acted exactly the way his father did in every way possible. I bet they still hate me. Even more, if that's possible."

"Why would they hate you?" Roger asked, speaking for the first time. He couldn't possibly imagine why someone could hate Mimi. Especially a young Mimi and after barely even knowing her.

"Jose was very forceful about the Spanish customs from his family followed. They really believed in abstinence until marriage. Most customs do. And it was considered a slight disgrace to have a wife who wasn't a virgin when you married her.

"My mom, obviously, wasn't a virgin. I was the proof of that slight shame, and he hated me for it."

"But that wasn't your fault," Roger said, "Your mom was married before."

"I know. It didn't matter. He was married before as well, otherwise he wouldn't have had a son. But that didn't matter. He was the man, my mother was the woman and shouldn't have been allowed to be married before. Jose saw it as a great favor, marrying her. I wish Mami had just taken her chances. I bet they never would've found us. It's not like it was that big of a deal and no one was making a huge deal over the two Mexicans that escaped after the third was killed. It wasn't mentioned anywhere, I doubt anyone other than that guard even knows.

"Life with Jose was… Hell… I hated it. He was always so mean to me. As far as he was concerned, Tony was perfect, and I was the exact opposite. Everything Tony did was right and everything I did was wrong. He wasn't like a normal parent, either. He'd hit me if I didn't do things right. A couple of times he would hit me so hard I couldn't go to school the next day. So then I would end up getting behind and would get a low grade, which he saw as disgraceful and he would hit me again. But if I got a high grade, one that was higher than Tony's, he would see it as a disgrace that I was trying to make him look bad and he would hit me anyway… I could never win…"

Without even realizing what he was doing, Roger got up from the table and slowly walked over to Mimi on the couch. He silently sat on the opposite end, away from her, but now he could see her face. She was sitting perfectly straight, facing the door, and had her head staring intently into her lap. She had a very far-away look on her face and didn't appear to have noticed Roger had ever moved.

"Mami never knew about it. She was always off at work. She worked two jobs and was hardly ever home. I did all the cooking and cleaning around the house from the time I was seven. If I didn't do things right Jose would yell at me and hit me. Sometimes Tony would make things extra difficult for me, just so I would get punished. Sometimes he would hit me himself. I never told Mami about it. I knew how hard she was working to ensure we could stare here, so I couldn't do anything to upset her marriage. I always made up some excuse about why I was hurt. My mom was under the impression that I was extremely clumsy."

Mimi got a really dark look on her face and looked as if she really didn't want to continue her story. She took a deep breath and went on anyway.

"One night when I was twelve my mom was at work. I was sitting in my room, trying to do my homework. Jose stormed into my room and started screaming at me. He was drunk I could tell. It was all over his face and I could smell it coming off of him. He was screaming at me over some mess in the kitchen. I hadn't even left my room, so I knew Tony had made the mess, but I didn't bother trying to explain that to him. He hit me and kept screaming at me and then he picked me up and threw me onto he bed. I started screaming back at him, but he ripped my clothes off and…"

She trailed off as a sob escaped her. Roger didn't need to hear the rest. He moved closer to her on the couch and gently laid his hand on her back; rubbing it slightly. Mimi took a deep breath and continued.

"I never told my mom. She still doesn't know. That sort of become some routine after that. He'd go out, get drunk, come back and yell at me and then… I probably should've told someone. But I had no one to tell. We needed Jose. He kept us in the country and he provided most of our income. Even working two jobs my mom wouldn't have been able to handle both of us.

"I started taking dance classes. That gave me an excuse to be out of the house and my mother thought it was good for me to get some exercise. She also thought it would help me socialize more and create friends. I didn't have any and that worried her. It didn't work. I was still regarded as a freak everywhere I went.

"Things got worse when I started high school. I hated it. Everyone hated me sill, even more than before. I was the smart little freak. I was a Freshman with all Junior classes and that pissed some of them off. Especially this one girl. She was a Senior and she and some of her Senior friends were held back in a Junior class. And there I was, a Freshman moved up into a Junior class, doing better than they were.

"They would constantly take my things, trip me in the hallways, tease me, call me names. I hated it! Tony made things worse. He always teased me and encouraged others to do the same.

"Finally, one day, I had had enough in class. I had this special necklace I my father had given me when I was four. It wasn't flashy like the other girls' diamond and gold necklaces, but it was one of the few things I had left from my father and it was special to me.

"Those girls were teasing me and the main one noticed the necklace and ripped it off my neck. She started teasing me about how pathetic it was and how poor it made me look. Then she threw it on the ground and stomped on it, shattering most of the beads.

"I stared at it for a few seconds before bending down to scoop up the pieces. She took advantage of the fact that I was on the ground and kicked me. I fell over into the wall and scraped my head on the brick. They all started laughing. I just jumped up, grabbed my stuff, and ran out of the room as fast as I could.

"I couldn't think of anywhere to go, so I went to the bathroom to clean the blood off my face. There was this group of kids in there. Two girls and two boys. They looked up when I entered, thinking I was a teacher. I just ignored them and went over to the sink to wash myself up.

"One of the girls noticed I was upset and asked if I wanted something to help. I didn't even think about it, I just yes. I didn't care what it was I just wanted something that would make the pain go away. That was the first time I shot up."

Mimi and Roger sat there in silence for a little bit, each thinking. Roger felt terrible. He had had no idea. Mimi almost seemed to have a reason for using heroin. She knew nothing but pain since she was four years old. Roger was just curious and bored hanging backstage at one of his gigs.

"I didn't used to do it so much. Just at little bit every once in a while. But as things got worse, at home and at school, I started using more and more. I would cut class and ditch school. I began failing all my classes. I missed dance constantly. I became even more distant with Mami than I already was. But I didn't care. The constant pain was stopping. I didn't have to live with this cloud of misery hanging over me all the time.

"We would go to parties a lot, my 'friends' and I. I'm not really sure why we would bother going. All we would do was shoot up. I mean, we could do that in some back alley somewhere, why did we have to go to someone else's house to do it?

"When I was fifteen I went to a party, shot up, and passed out. It had sort of happened before, but not like this. This time I was completely out of it. I woke up in one of the bedrooms upstairs, lying on a bed with all my clothes on the floor.

"I started panicking my first thought was what Jose would do. I looked for a clock and finally found one that told me it was almost five AM. I just jumped up, threw my clothes on, and ran out the door, trying to find my way back to my house. He was, of course, waiting for me. He started screaming at me and beating me telling me I needed to learn to respect him and his rules more.

"After he was done I limped into my room and collapsed onto my bad. It wasn't even until that point just before I fell asleep that I realized what had happened to me.

"I tried to ignore it. I mean, it was something Jose did to me all the time, so why should bother me so much? I just decided to put it behind me and act like it had never happened. I decided to try and give up heroin, but that didn't turn out too well.

"Then I started getting sick. I would throw up. I was tired. I had to go to the bathroom more often than usual. I got really dizzy. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought I might have been dying. It would've been a relief, but I didn't want to leave my mom alone. It wasn't until I missed my period that I realized what was probably wrong with me.

"I told Mami and she took me to the doctor and he told us that I was pregnant. Jose can't have kids, so it had to be from that party. I started freaking out I knew he would kill me if he found out. Mami just told me to keep it between us two and she would think of something to do. I think she was going to send me to her cousin's.

"But Tony found out and he told Jose. Jose was furious, I've never seen him that angry. He called me a whore and beat me worse than I ever had been before. After he was finally done he and Tony left to 'get a drink' and they left me lying on the floor.

"I could barely drag myself into the bathroom before I threw up. I was so sick the rest of the night, I thought for sure I would die. And then I started bleeding really badly and I was in so much pain. A few hours later a miscarried. Mami came home a few hours after that to find me passed out on the floor covered in blood.

"Jose had somehow convinced her while I was in the hospital that he and Tony weren't home and I must've been attacked on my way home. I just agreed to the story. What else could I do? Nothing I said would've made everything better. And everything I tried just made things worse and worse."

She stopped again, staring blankly at the floor. Roger stared at her, not wanting to believe that could have happened to her. How could someone ever be so cruel to her? She was Mimi, she was such a lovable girl, always bright and cheerful and full of life. She didn't look it now, though, and Roger was pretty sure she didn't look it then either. He pulled himself closer to her, again, putting his arm around her shoulder. She took a shaky breath and continued.

"I got home from the hospital and first chance I got a packed my bags and ran. I didn't care where I went, as long as I got away from that place. I felt so terrible for hurting Mami, but I had to get out of there.

"So I came to New York. I lived on the streets for a while, just trying to make enough to get by. I'm sure it would've been much easier if I had just given up smack, but I couldn't. It was all that kept me going, really. The only thing that made life bearable… I ended up selling almost everything I had… Eventually I just sold myself."

Roger stiffened at that. He couldn't believe Mimi would do that. But he guessed she must've gotten pretty desperate out there. It was all because of those stupid drugs, and she _still _couldn't find the strength to give them up?

"After a few months I met Angel. She took me in immediately, of course. That's just how she is," Mimi smiled slightly for the first time in a while. It faded as she figured where to go next, "I hated being a burden, though. I wanted to help out so I went out and got a job. She definitely wasn't too pleased with my choice of work. I was only 16 at the time and she thought that was too young to work in a strip club.

"I was working there for about six months before I met Jason. I really liked him. He was nice and went to the club a lot. He said it was so he could see me. Eventually we started dating and I jumped at the chance to move in with him when he asked. I loved living with Angel, I did. But I felt like I was burdening her life with my pathetic one, so I moved out.

"Then things changed. He started acting meant. Really mean. he would yell at me and sometimes he would hit me. I was used to that, though. I had gotten it all the time with Jose. But with Jason it was different. He just got drunk and lost control and it was usually my fault anyway. And Jason always apologized afterwards. Telling me he loved me and he didn't mean it. And I believed him for about a year and a half.

"But he just kept getting worse and worse. He was always yelling at me and hitting me and sometimes he would kick me out. He kept accusing me of fucking my dealer. Which was ridiculous. My dealer did seem interested in me. He was always making comments to me and suggesting we go out sometime. But I would never cheat on him. I don't cheat. If I want to get with someone else I break up with the other guy first."

Roger felt uncomfortable at that. He knew she wasn't trying to take a stab at him. She didn't even seem to remember for the moment what was going on between them. But that didn't take the guilt away. Roger was hardly better than that guy had been.

"One night I was walking home from work. I hadn't had the best of days. The day started out with a fight with Jason, again. He hit me a few times, so I left to go to Angel's. She was out with some guy, so I just wondered around for a while. Then I had to go to work and it sucked. This guy kept hounding me and he wouldn't leave me alone.

"I was walking home, thinking that things couldn't get worse when they did. That guy that was bothering me at work had followed me. He pulled me into an alley and raped me."

She stopped talking again. She just sat there, staring at the floor, looking close to tears again. She swallowed hard and continued.

"I told Angel about it and she did her best to comfort me, but nothing worked. I was a wreck. I stayed at her apartment for a few days, calling in sick to work. Finally, I got up and decided I should just move on. It's not like it hadn't happened to me before.

"But I couldn't just move on. Angel convinced me to go see a doctor, just in case. That was when I found out I had HIV. My horrible, useless life had just gotten so much worse. Now it wasn't even going to be a long, horrible, useless life. I guess that would make things easier, though. If I didn't have to suffer longer.

"I told Jason, thinking he would be sympathetic and supportive. He was my boyfriend after all. But he wasn't. He started screaming at me again and beating me. He called me a whore and said I was cheating on him, otherwise how else could I have gotten it? He wouldn't even let me explain. He just kicked me out for good. The last thing he said to me was that if I had given it to him he would hunt me down and kill me."

Roger pulled her closer to him, now afraid. What if she had given it to him? Would he really hunt her down and kill her. Roger wouldn't let that happen. He would kill the guy first.

"I didn't know what to do. I just stood there with my duffel bag full of clothes wondering what to do next. I didn't want to go back to Angel's, I had troubled her enough. I needed a hit, so I walked to the alley where my dealer hung out and bought some smack. I didn't even bother leaving, I just shot up right there in the alley. I blacked out again and woke up in his bed.

"We talked a little and when I told him I had nowhere to go he suggested I move in with him. I don't know what the hell made me think it was a good idea, but I agreed anyway. Angel was so pissed at me. She said I was being stupid and irresponsible and to move in with her right away. But I didn't listen."

"You dated your dealer?" Roger asked, astonished. He knew he probably shouldn't have interrupted her. She really needed to get this all off her chest and it seemed like if she got it all out at once it would hurt less. Like ripping a band-aid off really quickly. But he had to know. Why? Why would she do that?

"I told you it was stupid. I don't know what made me do it. His name is 'Brad', by the way."  
"He has a name?" Roger asked jokingly. Mimi let out a short strangled laugh at that.

"Yes." Her smile faded and she continued with her story. "Living with Brad was Hell. There's no better example of Hell than living with him. It was horrible. He was like Jason and Jose rolled into one person. He constantly yelled at me and beat me and raped me. And I still stayed. I just didn't want to feel alone in the world. Angel and I had practically stopped being friends after I started dating Brad. That was my fault. I told her to stay away. And Brad knew she would try to help me, so he told me to never see her again. And I listened.

"It wasn't just the feeling alone. It was the drugs, too. I needed them and he had them. If I stayed with him and put up with all his shit, I got them. And I was usually on them, anyway, so it wasn't like I felt anything most of the time.

"After a while of that, though, I was sick of it. I didn't want to live that life anymore. I felt like I was stuck, though. That I would never get out of that life. I would die the junkie girlfriend of a drug dealer.

"Then one day I ran into Angel. We hadn't spoken in, like, six months, at least. She could tell I was messed up, though. And she begged me to leave Brad. So, one day while he was at 'work' Angel came over and helped me pack up my bag and I left.

"I stayed with Angel for a bit until I could find my own apartment. That was when I moved in downstairs. After that I dated Benny for a little while until Angel and I found out he was married. Then I dumped him. And then I met you. You know the story after that."

She took a deep breath and leaned her head and Roger's shoulder. He rubbed it comfortingly and thought. He had no idea Mimi's life was like that. How could one person go through so much and still manage to live through it all? Roger's grief seemed completely insignificant compared to Mimi's.

"I don't understand," Roger finally said after a few minutes' silence, "Mimi, if Brad did all those horrible things to you, how could you continue to just go to him constantly, alone and sometimes at night and in dark alleys. Aren't you afraid he'll do something to you?"

Mimi hesitated before answering. That as one thing she didn't really want to mention to Roger, because she knew what his reaction would be and she didn't want him to get himself hurt. But he had brought it up now, so she answered as simply as she thought she could.

"Sometimes he does." She couldn't believe those three words could possibly be a catalyst for her tears. But they were. Mimi never cried. Ever. During everything that happened in her life, she would never cry. All it did was show that she was weak and it didn't fix anything. So she avoided it. Instead she grit her teeth and bared it through whatever shit she was going through.

She cried now, though. And she couldn't stop. She would sort of cry sometimes. A few tears would fall and she would wipe them away and minutes, sometimes even seconds later, she would be fine. Now, though, the tears just started pouring thick and fast down her cheeks and she couldn't stop.

Roger pulled her closer to him and she buried her face in his chest, her hand closed in a tight fist around part of his shirt. She was sure she was soaking his clothes and hers, but she couldn't stop. Everything that had ever happened to her just crashed in on her all at once. Roger sat there, holding her tightly, rubbing her back and whispering words of comfort in her ear.

Eventually she stopped. She wasn't sure what time it was and how long she had been crying. It felt like hours. But finally the tears began to slow and her sobs quieted, melting into hiccups. She lifted her head off of her Roger's chest and when he was sure she was going to be fine he rubbed her back a few more times and then stood up and walked over to the kitchen area. He came back with a glass of water and a box of tissues and handed them wordlessly to Mimi, before sitting back down on the couch next to her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders again.

"Thanks," Mimi said once she had wiped her tears away and taken a few sips of water, "Sorry about that," She added, smiling sheepishly.

"About what? Mimi, you didn't do anything wrong," The words were not just aimed at her long crying spell. Mimi smiled at him meekly before drinking some more water and staring at the opposite wall.

Roger ran his hand through her hair, playing with it slightly and watching her closely. He wanted to be ready to catch her if she fell back into the depressive state she was in before. As he stared, he noticed a dark spot under left eye. It looked like a bruise. Had that been there before?

"Mimi?" Roger asked timidly. She looked back at him wonderingly and he lifted his hand up gently to touch the spot under her cheek. "What's this?"

She flinched back from his touch and he withdrew his hand.  
"I told you. I had a bad day at work," she said simply.

"What the hell happened?"

"This guy kept trying to convince me to go 'back to his place' afterwards and I said 'no' and when eh got really annoying I went to move to the other side of the stage. But when I turned to leave he shouted that he wasn't finished with me yet and grabbed my ankle. I ended up twisting around and falling, I didn't even catch myself." she slipped her tights off and showed Roger her swollen ankle and the bruise she had on her left thigh. Roger felt himself getting angry again.

"I started screaming t the guy and then Kyle came out and yelled at me. Said I 'shouldn't treat the customers that way'."

"What the hell does that guy have rules for if he doesn't even bother enforcing them?" Roger asked, enraged.

"That's what I wondered," Mimi said, smiling slightly at how similar her and Roger's thoughts were.

"I wish Kyle hadn't banned me. I'd go back there tomorrow and find that guy and…" he broke off, not thinking of a bad enough thing to do to the guy. Mimi looked at him with a confused look on her face. Why should he care? Roger saw her look and smiled slightly. "No one messes with my girl," he said fiercely.

"'Your girl'?" Mimi asked, trying not to show how happy that statement made her, "I thought we were through?"

"No. I shouldn't have been such an idiot, Mimi, I'm sorry. I should've listened to your side. I just never realized…" he couldn't find the right words so he moved on. "Anyway, that is, if you're willing t take me back after I was such an ass to you."

"Maybe," Mimi teased, smiling slightly.  
"I'd be willing to get on my knees and beg," Roger said and Mimi laughed.  
"No, that's fine. I deserved it. I made a promise and I shouldn't have broken it. I'll try harder this time, though. I promise."

She leaned her head against Roger's chest again, yawning loudly. She couldn't believe she was so tired. She had just finished sleeping for 25 hours. She glanced over at the clock and saw that it was after 3:00 AM. She pulled her legs up beneath her to get more comfortable and closed her eyes.

Roger watched her for a few minutes, leaning against the arm of the couch and holding Mimi securely, rubbing her back soothingly.

"Hey, Mimi?" he asked tentatively.  
"Hmmm?" she responded, eyes still closed.

"I want to tell you something," that same nervousness from the night before returned and Roger began to panic, wondering if this was the best time. He didn't care. He had to tell her.

"Ok, I'm listening," she said, sounding sleepy.

"Ok," Roger took a deep breath before continuing, "Mimi, I really like you and I care about you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met and the most important person in my world. I would do anything for you and I hate it when you cry and I hate it when people hurt you. You made we realize what it was like to feel alive after years of feeling dead and I know that we've only been dating for a few months- and we actually haven't known each other for much longer, but I feel like I've known you for much longer than that. Like I didn't really exist before you came along and I want to just pretend like those years never happened, because they're nothing compared to life with you. Do you know what I mean?"

He was very nervous and felt like he was rambling. He wasn't even sure he was making any sense to her. He got silence as a response.

"Mimi?" he asked, looking down at her. She had fallen asleep. She looked peaceful, though. The most relaxed Roger had seen her all night, a small smile on her lips. Roger smiled down at her. She was too perfect. He bent down and kissed the top of her head gently.

"I love you, Mimi."

* * *

So, how was it? I don't normally ask for reviews (I just write to see if I can come up with fully developed story lines before actually attempting REAL fiction.) But I'm very nervous about this and I wonder if I did it well or not. Criticism is welcome,a s long as it's not something like "Omg, that was the worst thing I've ever written. You sux You should go die!!!!" That does me no good. :p 


End file.
